How many of you were told growing up to never rely on a man?
Women are often taught to become independent, to take care of themselves, to determinedly pursue their career, and to never rely on a man.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this.
I am the driven, determined, bold and strong career woman I am today because my mother encouraged me to do just those things.
However, I truly believe that so many of us took "never rely on a man" a little too far.
Somehow, it all got lost in translation and we learned that it wasn't safe to rely on men emotionally.
Over the years, we began to protect ourselves. We closed ourselves off emotionally and climbed the stairs in the tower we built, never letting our hair down because it was too risky.
I am here to free you of those walls.
Sue Johnson, a leading expert in love and relationships, wrote that love shapes the brain.
Science tells us that we are literally, biologically hardwired for love.
Our brain has billions of nerve cells. Each of these branch out on their own to reach out to nearby nerve cells. They are constantly talking to each other and sending signals that allow you to function properly.
Research has shown that our brain creates more branches between nerve cells when we are emotionally engaged with others. When we are not, those little nerve tendrils don't branch out, and sometimes even shrink or die.
Put simply, when we don't have emotional connections with others our brains literally wither and waste away, which means that we wither and waste away.
Research has shown that when we are emotionally unavailable or closed off, we produce less oxytocin (the love hormone). When we are not producing much oxytocin, we are found to trust less, be more fearful, and have more anxiety. This literally causes us to spiral into a cycle because the more anxious and fearful we are, the more we close ourselves off, and the more we close ourselves off, the more fearful and anxious we are. And around and around it goes.
The opposite it true, the more we emotionally engage with others, the more oxytocin is produced. As oxytocin is produced, we feel more trusting, safe, and relaxed. As we feel trusting and relaxed, the safer it feels to open ourselves up emotionally to the person we love, and the cycle continues.
To take this a step further, scientists believe that oxytocin increases dopamine production. Dopamine is the chemical in your body responsible for you feeling happy.
Let me put this together for you. If you open yourself up emotionally to another person, your brain's nerve cells will remain healthy and strong, this will also release oxytocin and dopamine into your body and cause you to feel safe, relaxed, and happy.
THIS IS SCIENCE, Y'ALL.
It is perfectly fine not to rely on a man financially. Go out there and slay.
But do me a favor and begin to let those walls down and let people in. You need love and emotional engagement. Science says so.
I know this can be easier said than done. So, if you find yourself not knowing how to really effectively emotionally engage with your partner, read these to help guide you through it.
If you would like to read more on the science of romantic relationships, then get this book.
If you are still struggling, then call me! I'll personally help you figure it all out.